Marina comes for dinner

I wrote in February about the extraordinary means that the Lord used to show me that He had His finger on this one young woman - of all the hundreds of beggars around the city - for us to establish a relationship with. That process has now evolved from fleeting moments and faith to reality.

My first planned meeting with Marina did not work out, and I tried to pass along a message to her through another contact. She never called. I decided to go back to look for her again at the Metro. This time (Feb. 27th), I waited on the platform almost a half hour before giving up. Then, literally as I was walking out, a train came, and she emerged.

How good it was to see her, but we were both reserved. Marina explained that she had received my message, but forgotten my phone number. When she complained that for her whole morning's work she had come up with only 100 rubles ($4), I offered to take her to eat (and invite Diana). She was very nervous about exiting the station, saying that she doubted they would let her back in. Apparently the workers are very capricious and don't always let folk in they suspect of being beggars. As I have found out from other sources, you usually need to pay off up to three gatekeepers: the lady that watches the turnstiles, the policeman that patrols the platform, and the mafia that controls the place.

We chatted, and she asked about Diana and the kids, though she didn't know any of our names yet. She explained that Mondays were here day off, suggesting that she could even be interested in coming over for dinner. I told her we would be delighted, gave her my number, and we parted.

She did not commit to when she would call, so we wondered if she was seriously interested (maybe afraid?), or when anything might happen again. Come Monday (March 3rd), while I was out running errands, she called, asking if today would work. I quickly confabbed with Diana who said, "sometimes you drop everything for a God moment. This is that moment."

Marina and a friend, Alaysia, met me at the station closest to our apartment. I'll never forget the look on her face as she spotted me from the train as it rolled into the station. She has always had a pleasant face and smile, but now, this girl, who has experience hardships and seen things that no one needs to see at age 19, beamed with delight and pointed to me like a little girl who spotted her dad come to pick her up.

We learned that Alaysia's family often help Marina and her brothers when they can, partly because they all come from Moldavia. According to Alaysia, they are the only ones who serve Marina in any way. It was not yet 5pm, but since Marina had only had tea since morning, we ate, though they found lasagna a bit strange for their tastes. After I asked the blessing, Marina said, "So you are believers? We are too." Alaysia further clarified, "You believe in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit? My parents do too." She said they go to a Moldavian church that has Americans from Virgina come every summer to serve in some way. Hmm. Tuck that all away for later.

More on Marina's background. Her brothers, Ruslan (11), and Vasya (8) are clearly very dear to Marina. She hates not to be available to take them to and from school, and she keeps them home sometimes when it is cold. She feels that her job prospects are limited not only by the school day, but also by her handicap - a bad leg resulting the car accident that 5 years ago killed her father. Her mother is gone, but we don't know the details yet.

In order to help her, we wanted to know more about her situation. She rents their apartment from some acquaintances who took pity on them and are "giving it away" for a mere $330/month. She can earn $25-30 a day begging in the Metro. That leaves her to supply an extra $200-$300/month for rent, food, etc.

We took down other material needs, clothings sizes, explaining that we have relationships and resources so that it would not all have to be purchased retail. She said, "You know what I was hoping? That you could help me directly, without having to find others." I assured her that it went without saying that we wanted to give some direct help, but our personal resources were limited, and we were trying to think about the big picture. This made her feel better. I can only imagine, I said, how she must feel the need to focus on today's needs, but that we want to help her dream again. She replied, "I'm tired of life. I come home every day with my legs in deep pain from using them, and my arms and hands in pain from the crutches. (They are crude and unpadded.) I don't know how long I can keep this up." I tried to reassure her, "Marina, I know that God put you into our lives because He has big plans for you. Don't give up."

Our kids were shy at first, but Lydia later showed some of our family pictures and talked about them with Marina. I took advantage of their conversations to go cry on Diana's shoulder. She was the strong one today. How does this girl make it on so little? It is so hard to comprehend.

Diana and I were both overwhelmed at this point, not because we are tempted to play savior, but because it is all such uncharted territory for us. Hey, I have a Masters in Social Work. I've worked with the homeless. But how many social workers let work get this close to home? Where is the manual on trusting God for each step in a process of intervening in a life that needs so much on so many levels?

Next came the "border bully" (nay-sayer), in the form of our Russian tutor, Lyudmilla. She is one of our favorite people here and gives incalculable insights into the dark side of Russian society, but she was afraid for us. "My friend who works for the police department says all the beggars work for the mafia. That area where she lives has a bunch of Gypsies. Please don't ever go down there until you are totally sure about who they are. They could slip something into your drink, and when you wake up your passport will be gone."

I took a walk that night to talk it over with God. I never take walks anymore, since I walk all the time, but I needed to get out. Too much emotion for one day. What God showed me was that I just needed to stay the course. All this pain and potential pain, He said, was just the sign that we were doing the real work of ministry.

Thanks. I needed that.

The fast track to orphan ministry

The orphanage down the street is a huge red and gray brick structure about 3 minutes from our door. We pass it all the time on the way to the Metro or for groceries and have long hoped to see the inside and made acquaintance with the director. In January Lyle wrote about the miraculous favor he received from the orphanage director in allowing a group he met through the St. Petersburg Christian University to present a Christmas program for the kids. From initial meeting to performance was 24 hours, and the experience ended with an invitation to meet another day to discuss further relationships with the children. Another day arrived just last Wednesday, Feb 27.

Lyle and I did not know what to expect in our meeting with director so we tried prepared ourselves for everything from a long drawn-out series of discussions that would end up nowhere to a possible invitation to return to observe and ease into volunteering. We simply were not prepared for tremendous favor granted us in such short order.

The director asked us, appropriately, our goals for the meeting. Lyle discussed our desire to start by finding out more about them, the orphanage and what they do, give them a chance to learn more about us and our background, our interests, and then begin to discuss some ways that we might be able to serve them. Her next question, "So, what would you like to do? How much time during the week can you give? What time is good for you?" Doing! I was stunned. Didn't she want to know our background? or complete an FBI/KGB/FBS check? What about wanting our immunization records? Apparently not!

Lyle explained my teaching background, which brought out more smiles and clucks of approval from the director and an assistant. Since the school at the orphanage emphasizes English, I was a "shoe-in" in their minds for volunteering as an English tutor. But what about our kids? We've always said that we want our family to serve as a unit whenever possible. Lydia has been eager to volunteer, but her age as prevented her helping at the baby orphanages. No problem! They warmly received the idea of our children interacting with the residents. We finally decided that Lydia and I will teach English Wednesday afternoons to a group of 10- and 11-year-olds, and Lyle + boys will go on Mondays to hang out and play with a different group. Hopefully we can all go as a complete family too.

We feel the openness is genuine, particularly because they invited us last Friday evening to a special performance to celebrate all the Pisces birthdays. Only chicken poxed Kerith stayed home with a sitter. Each child born under this zodiac (about 12) received a short performance by other residents -- maybe a song, dance, or poem -- and a gift bag. The hour-long experience was long enough for kids to check us out and wonder about that strange family in the back of the room. Two teenager girls seemed particularly attracted to Simon and talked to him afterwards while we congratulated the director on a lovely evening and talented kids.

My first class starts already this week. Lydia would accompany me as my assistant, but since she is still in the incubation period for chicken pox, she will join next week. Am I nervous? You bet. But, I have several lessons all ready and a story book, and in my heart I carry the knowledge that the Lord opened this door. I just need to walk through it.

Learning Loyalty to Loyola

When I asked my future teammate almost two years ago how we could possibly function as a team, he couldn't think of anything. He teaches at the local Christian University and didn't see any open doors or reasonable fits with his work there. I remained puzzled over this misfit with my philosophy of ministry until we got here and I learned a secret about this man. He helps lead a new movement within our mission to teach the Church how to become more intentional in Spiritual Formation as the grounding for everything the Church is and does.

Just like with coaching, I had pretty much no clue what Spiritual Formation is, but it sounded cool. Over the first several months of our life here together, I was able to wrench out of him enough clues to start to get really interested. I've been spiritually mentored by several very godly men over the years, but there was always a nagging sense that there was more to it than I was seeing, even though I had no idea what that would look like. What Bill was describing was systematic (I like systems), yet organic (I like organic), and coaching driven (what are we saying?).

I started to pressure him to lead me through a three day "Discovery" retreat that was designed to help someone understand God's history of working in you for spiritual growth and how to cooperate more fully in that process. We finally made it happen in February, but it was the right time for me in my spiritual journey.

The workshop, created by a team of people at CRM's Imago Christi, is described as a:


"three-day (24 hour) Discovery contain[ing] 15 Modules which can be used together or separately in retreat, network, or personal coaching settings. Together, they make up a personal movement of discovering (1) the need for personal intentionality in spiritual formation, (2) one’s own longing for deeper intimacy with God, (3) where one is in the process of spiritual growth in the context of a spiritual formation paradigm, and (4) gain insights into key ways the participant can cooperate with God in ongoing realization of their longing for deeper intimacy with the Trinity. The process concludes with a spiritual formation plan which compiles one’s discoveries and insights and identifies specific next steps that can be taken to cooperate with God."

My takeaway was more than just new insight into my own journey with God. More importantly, Bill helped me form a plan to follow to take my relationship with God to another level. What does that look like right now? I've begun an intensive devotional plan that was developed by Ignatius of Loyola. It's a bumpy ride, getting used to prayer that is more focused on intimacy with God and hearing His voice. It's something I have tried to grow in for years, having used another methodology with some success. God seems to have used that to prepare me for this next step of growth.

The key is the commitment to spend an hour a day, seven days a week, for 26 weeks in prayer and journaling. That was daunting, but I was desperate. I've had days where nothing seems to happen, days where I have no idea what happened, and one day so far where God blew me away with a new vision of His love, care, and leading in my life.

So I'm a Coach?

People keep wondering what it means for me to say that I'm a coach, or that I am coaching someone, so it's time to clear this one up. Coaching is a field that I barely knew about before I enrolled in the training I got. What little I did know made me realize that it was likely in my future, and that future came in a most providential way. I was working for the Community of Dreams Alliance to create a planning matrix for churches across the US interested in reaching their communities in cutting-edge ways. Our strategy included the need to form what we called "Coaching Communities." Since I was going to have to sell this to churches, I figured I better learn more. The ministry we were partnering with to provide coach training for our partners was unlike any I had seen. Their vision was (is) tremendous and lined up with everything we stood for. It also seemed a great opportunity to move in that direction as well. I signed on to take a full year of training from Transformational Leadership Coaching, now renamed Lifeforming Leadership Coaching, which I completed in 2006.

The impact was indeed transformational. Among the results of that year were:

• a new understanding of my own life purpose
• new insights into what I was not called to
  
• a whole new vocabulary of change
• a new set of skills to add to my counseling practice for helping individuals grow
• a new appreciation for mutual accountability and submission in the Body of Christ
• a practical and tangible product: the creation of an in depth study for husbands.

What exactly is coaching? I have a page devoted to this question on my web site, where you can also read a couple of testimonies from clients. I actually am available to coach by phone anyone anywhere, as coaching is traditionally done most often over the phone.

The bottom line for me was a realization that investing in people, particularly leaders, with a heart to grow and think outside the box is where my gifts are. My passion is to find and invest in these kinds of leaders on a citywide and multi-disciplinary approach so that they, in turn, lead a movement to help "the whole Church take the whole Gospel to the whole city."