Life Coaching in Russia

Periodically I need to write in more detail about some of what is happening here in one or more areas of ministry, and that is my task today.

My ministry in Russia is multifaceted, and though it all fits together, today I want to tell you more about the way God has allowed us to begin what we trust will become a large movement of Christian life coaching. But first I need to explain a little more about what life coaching is and why I consider it critical towards what I understand God to be calling me to accomplish in St. Petersburg and beyond.

Life coaching has both Christian and non-Christian schools, but of course I follow one of the former. In that context, the aim of coaching is to help a person discern God's work in his life, where and how to move forward, and set realistic goals and action steps to fulfill that call. It can be applied in personal growth, in relationships, and in a professional context, as the coach is an expert in the change process, rather than an expert in a given field. The process and the results can be powerful because:
transformation is primarily experiential, not informational;

• God initiates transformation through real, everyday life experiences;
• effective coaching flows out of mental, emotional and spiritual maturity;
• each person is a uniquely designed individual whom God has entrusted with a stewardship over his or her own life;
• authentic relationships are foundational to leadership growth and abundant living.

I had a private practice in Christian counseling in Virginia from 1997 until we moved to Russia in 2007. In 2006 I got certified in life coaching through Lifeforming Leadership Coaching. The impact on me was tremendous personally, and when I added it to my practice, the impact on my clients was also powerful. I realized that not only was coaching to be an integral part of my ministry in Russia, but that it was a key to re-building a culture of mentoring, discipling, and - my favorite term - spiritual fathering.

Russian soil was very fertile for just this concept. On the one hand, the concept of coaching generically speaking had just begun to penetrate the business world, and to a lesser extent the Christian world, so that the demand is there. On the other hand, there is almost no one who does coaching, and that primarily in Moscow. No one does Christian coaching.

We attend the church we do essentially because of the relationship I formed with Igor Sokolov, the pastor, while we were both getting certified at Lifeforming. I saw Igor as a forward-thinking, missions-minded man with a vision to use coaching as well as other creative approaches to reaching the city. He had already built a reputation as a leader in developing a small group movement nationwide. He had a track record, and he had already begun to translate the materials into Russian and to train his staff.

Working together as the only two Christian life coaches in Russia both inspired us and helped us move forward, since the task was so large. We began by continuing the translation process and the training of his staff, and we added in students (staff) from the Harbor. That original cohort is now about 2/3 of the way through the 40 week program, and we are just ahead of them in the translation process, which includes a host of audio files in addition to over 300 pages of written material. Igor and I have also begun a second group, this time consisting of students from my other trainings, many of whom are in orphan ministry.

As you can imagine, even with all the volunteer help we have had, to do this job professionally has required professional help, and we have gotten a generous grant from the Des Plains Foundation to help us get this far. It looks like we need about another $3000 to carry it through the final printing stage. We are also nearing agreement with the St. Petersburg Christian University to offer this training under their umbrella, which gives us both more credibility.

Eventually we see this movement growing out of the Christian community and into the business world as a great tool for evangelism. We also intend for the teaching to go nationwide. The potential is huge, but we are starting slowly and intentionally so that we lay a good foundation.

How do we know that God has His hand on this project? Take Nastya, for example. I have written about Nastya before, a key member of our Orphans Reaching Orphans project. Our main purpose in this ministry is to help orphans find their calling in Christ and to fulfill that with excellence, then to help others do the same. Coaching provides just the relational skills needed to do this. Nastya is one of my newer students, and I see her grow in her understanding and application of coaching every month. She recently told me about a young person named Lena whom she has been discipling for quite some time. Whereas in the past Nastya would have just given advise and told Lena what she needed, now she is using questions more and more to cause Lena to reflect on her own about why she does what she does, to consider taking ownership of her own growth (rather than put it off onto others), and to take seriously her allegiance to Christ. No one else is speaking into Lena's life this way, and Lena is responding. So much so that Lena has recently confessed to having suicidal thoughts. Nastya has helped her understand the need for counseling, and Lena will now be coming to me for deeper work. Just one way we team off of each other. Pray for Lena.

Inna, also a member of our Orphans Reaching Orphans team, also uses coaching regularly with the young adult orphans she mentors. As she puts it, "coaching is such a perfect fit alongside counseling as a way to come alongside these young people. The one helps them overcome the lies of the past. The other helps them forge a future with hope."

In fact, in Trinitarian fashion, I see coaching training as part of a larger framework for discipling leaders that God has given me:

• Soul Care: counseling, about which I have written more here 
• Spirit Care: spiritual formation training for lifelong growth in intimacy with Christ
• Body Care: life coaching, which is about effective application of God's word and call in real life.

I have other materials that I use in each area which I can share with those interested. The point is that I consider personal transformation to be dependent on how well we master each area. One is not sufficient. So my ministry in Russia at this stage is about empowering leaders in all three, because I am of the conviction that an exponential effect will result in them personally as well as in their circles of influence.

The heart of my work in all of this is a desire to see Russia overcome its "orphan spirit" and come to know God as Father. Therefore, I and my family have a significant ministry to orphans, particularly older ones graduated from the state system, and to ministries and leaders that serve orphans.

I hope this gives you more depth of understanding into our ministry here. If you are interested in giving towards this project or towards our ministry generally, then the best way is to click here. In any event, you will have a better idea how to pray, whom to forward this link to, and how to share with others about us. All of those are great ideas!

TPM in Russia

I had a private practice in Christian counseling and (later) life coaching in Virginia from 1997 until we moved to Russia in 2007. Although I had an Masters of Social Work which got my foot in the door to a group practice, from the very beginning I leaned not to my secular training but to training I had received in Richmond in Biblical counseling as the foundation for my work with clients. I considered my practice successful in the great majority of cases, because God is good to honor His Word when we choose to honor His Word.

In 2001 I was invited to get trained in Theophostic Prayer Ministry, which I had never heard of before, but because I respected the pastor who invited me, I attended. My practice would never be the same again. After only a day and a half of video lectures, I came back and started using what I had learned with astounding results. My very first client that Monday was a lady who was a compulsive shopper. In that first session, she found a root lie controlling her behavior, and God spoke His truth to her in a way that she was (either that day or soon thereafter) completely set free from her addiction.

In those days the founder, Dr. Ed Smith, did not teach as he does now, that practicing in a group setting for a whole year is the best way to master the ministry. God just gave me the grace for it to work immediately with me, since there was no group or other peers doing it. I consider that my background in Biblical counseling was a firm foundation, and I continue to teach its principles to this day. TPM does not teach us everything we need to know about how change happens in the soul, but I consider it a major tool that God has given to the Church in these days.

When I moved to Russia in 2007 with my family, I realized that I was not sent to have a counseling practice, but that I was to train others. The need for counseling in Russia is overwhelmingly large, to a great extent due to the national trauma it sustained during the Soviet years of atheism and of state terror. The atrocities of Stalin's day are very much an undercurrent to the state of the Russian soul today.

In fact, in Trinitarian fashion, I see counseling training as part of a larger framework for discipleship of leaders that God has given me:

• Soul Care: counseling, with a special emphasis on TPM
• Spirit Care: spiritual formation training for lifelong growth in intimacy with Christ
• Body Care: life coaching, which is about effective application of God's word and call in real life.

I have other materials that I use in each area which I can share with those interested. The point is that I consider personal transformation to be dependent on how well we master each area. One is not sufficient. So my ministry in Russia at this stage is about empowering leaders in all three, because I am of the conviction that an exponential effect will result in them personally as well as in their circles of influence.

The heart of my work in all of this is a desire to see Russia overcome its "orphan spirit" and come to know God as Father. Therefore, I and my family have a significant ministry to orphans, particularly older ones graduated from the state system, and to ministries and leaders that serve orphans.

So now to the history and development of Theophostic Ministry in Russia. Even though TPM began in 1995 and exploded around the world, it is a baby in Russia.

When Dana Evans and other leaders in their church-plant in Ekaterinburg, Russia heard about TPM in 2006, they immediately felt it was an answer to prayer as an instrument in helping the Russian people deal with life's hurts. They began to study, and a team was soon formed to train facilitators for ministry. As the training continued, the need became evident to have the materials in the Russian language. Dana Evans and Douglas Davis contacted Dr. Ed Smith (founder) about this need, and he gave permission for the translations, which began in 2009.

I learned of the team in Ekaterinburg early after moving to Russia. As soon as the DVD's of the basic training were ready, I started my first group of trainees in the summer of 2010. Now after over a year of training and practice with each other, some of the original group are now helping me lead two new groups of trainees. These two groups include Christian psychologists and many volunteers from a well-known Christian prayer hot-line.

After a lot of volunteer help as well as donations for translating and editing, we are done with that phase of the project. Formatting and printing the book will cost $3,500, with about $900 left needed to complete the project. Many TPM trainees are waiting to get a copy of this book in their language in order to be more effective in this ministry.

How do we know that God has His hand on this project? I put out one notice when I started training last year, and everything has been word of mouth since. Since the training is about more than just knowledge, all students must receive and learn to give ministry to each other. I am constantly amazed at the power of God to change hearts, behavior patters, emotions, and heal relationships as a result of one encounter. Two recent examples:

Ludmilla had been attending sessions for several weeks when she offered to let me lead her in a session as a demonstration for the class. The pain that came out in that one hour was intense, and it was clear she had a life time of pain, abuse, broken relationships, and sin. She was not ready to face the real lies at the bottom that first day, but God gave a small measure of comfort and grace to come back a second time. That next week she discovered one such lie that controlled her - that she had to control others' reactions to her. God opened her eyes (for it's not only head knowledge that counts, but experiential knowledge that reaches the heart that does), and she radiated with joy at seeing how she had been deceived for so long. Not only did she start relating to others better, others have reported that she has a joy that that had never seen her have before. And a curious side-effect: a chronic sub-normal body temperature has now been healed.

The second example is not one I conducted. In fact I was even there and don't even know what the story was. I had to be gone from class recently to attend something else, but since I had two others whom I could count on to lead it (from my first group), I didn't mind. It's hard to relate the satisfaction it was for me to walk in at the end of class to see hugs and tears of joy at experiencing the Father's love and gift of Truth. I found out later that this woman appears to have had her diabetes healed at that moment, as her blood sugar is at a normal level for the first time in years. (I'm not an expert here, but she said that the rule is that if your blood sugar is normal for three weeks in a row, that is the confirmation.) The miracles never cease to amaze me.

Students now stay late after class (which itself lasts 2.5 hours) for another hour for tea and conversation. They are bonding, they are passionately engaging the material, and they are so excited about what they are experiencing and witnessing that they can't stop telling their friends. Everyone wants to know when the next group is.

If you are interested in giving, then the best way is to click here and make a note in the comment section that it is for the TPM translation project. We are hoping to go to print this month.

The power of mentoring

Here is a letter I wrote to someone I've hardly thought about in over 10 years, but God brought him back to mind recently when I was giving Natasha (a young graduate from the Harbor) a testimony of God's work in my life and marriage. I've had to track him down, and I still haven't gotten confirmation that he has even received it.

John, 
I'm hoping you will remember me from CCTC [Christian Counseling Training Center] in Richmond. You were a counselor in training when I was taking Biblical Problem Solving, and you got assigned to me. You came up spontaneously in a testimony I was giving to a young person I mentor recently, and I decided the Lord would have me track you down and tell you about it. 
You see, personal discipleship has become a cornerstone of my ministry now. I went through two and a half years at CCTC myself and continued to use the principles I learned there in my own private counseling practice before leaving Richmond. Now that I have moved my family to Russia as missionaries, I have even taught BPS myself, but what is more important is that I have come to see that what was so transformational about that class for me was the personal mentoring that came with it. 
Now I work with a number of leaders, pastors, counselors, and (most dear to my heart) orphan graduates, and my whole ministry focus is on those aspects of our faith walk that require the personal input of another, ideally in a learning community: counseling, coaching, and spiritual formation. So one of these orphans who has been coming to me for mentoring and to one of my groups for over a year was asking me the other day about some of my history, including about my marriage. 
I related how difficult my marriage had been early on, and how BPS had been so helpful for me to learn how to see my own culpability in the problems we faced. But I then began sharing how the key ingredient had been my "grader" who had been so invested in me. I told her how he obviously could tell what a crisis I was in, and so he generously would pick me up from time to time in his pickup and I would sit in his mobile office while he would take me around nowhere in particular and let me pour out my heart. He patiently listened and gently pointed me back again and again to the lessons I was learning in class and in the revelations God was giving me through my "self-confrontation" homework. I don't remember any powerful new wisdom that came out of those times. What I remember was that he cared enough to invest in me. 
All of a sudden it hit me that this was exactly what I am now doing with so many lives, and that you had modeled it to me so long ago, planting a seed, not only of my own marital transformation, but of my future calling, and I started to cry right there in front of this young person (which I'm not known for). It was an overwhelming sense of God's goodness to me and sovereign hand in my life, and it gave me a tremendous feeling of thanks and praise to Him. 
So how could I not share that with you? In fact, when I told my wife about it, it turns out she had never heard about you either. She knew that that class had been a turning point in my life, but she didn't know about the secret weapon that God sent with the class. Thank you, brother, for your obedience to the Lord at that time. He used it more than you know. I trust that you have sown many more great seeds since then. I'd love to hear more about them. 
Your brother in Christ, 
 Lyle

Nastya - before and after

I have written several times about Nastya, but here is a short summary of our history with her and how she came to work with me in our new ministry: Orphans Reaching Orphans.

The Transformation of Nastya The Nastya I met was right after we moved to Russia in 2007. She was already a few years out of the Harbor (a residential ministry for orphan graduates) at that time, and she had come back to take an English class that I had been asked to teach. Nastya stood out to me, and we got to know each other slowly. She struck me as extraordinarily thoughtful, hungry for growth, perceptive about people, and personally engaging.


Little did I know at that time that the other Nastya - the one whom the Harbor had inherited in 2004 - looked nothing like this person. She came to them from a “correctional” orphanage, which meant that she was considered mentally delayed. Once you get a diagnosis of any sort in a system like this, it's all over. You're stuck there for life, and no one tries to treat you any way except what your papers say you are. When she applied to the Harbor, she met none of the benchmarks that were needed to accept her into the Harbor (cognitively or otherwise), so the psychologist rejected her outright. 


In the nearly four years I have known Nastya, she has always struck me as a person who is serious about her relationship with Christ, and the depth of that relationship has only grown. I find that in every question, what is most important for Nastya is, “what does God want?” Her faith is remarkable for someone of her age (26). 


By contrast, the Nastya who came to the Harbor had little more than a vague sense that there was a God. She had a drive and dream to be somebody, and that was what told her that she wanted to move to the Harbor. When they rejected her application, she ended up living in a dorm for the first month of college, but she was so convinced she needed to be at the Harbor that she prayed, “God, if you exist, then make it work for me to come to the Harbor.” Two days later she got invited in. Nastya's true self was so hidden behind a wall of lies about who she was from years in an institution that no one at the Harbor could even recognize Nastya's potential. Harbor staff nonetheless invested countless hours in her until the real Nastya began to emerge. As Nastya has told me, she came with a completely closed heart, but it was impossible to keep it closed when the staff were so open and loving themselves. She opened up and blossomed despite her best efforts! Sometime in those two years, Nastya had to admit that God was real, that Jesus loved her and died for her, and that she owed Him everything in return. Nonetheless, she resisted baptism for a whole year after that, realizing that it was like getting married – the most serious commitment she would ever make. 


We started inviting Nastya over to our place within a few months of meeting, and she quickly hit it off with our daughter Lydia. They would go on walks together; Nastya would take Lydia on outings around town; and they shared a love of clothing design. Besides just liking Lydia, Nastya wanted to give back to us for our hospitality by helping Lydia with her Russian. Nastya would stay late, and we'd talk about God, her place in life, and relationships. She seemed to have a natural bent and inclination in counseling, so she was fun for me to talk with. Her appetite for meaningful conversation is voracious. 


Outside the Harbor, Nastya is the kind who gets along with most everyone, and many of her fellow graduates from the Harbor seem to turn to her for wisdom and guidance in life, relationships, and work. At least this was an area where she could function on her own. As one of the most senior graduates of the Harbor (founded in 2002), she has a large network now of young adults. 


Now Nastya became the 1st member of a new team God has called me to start called Orphans Reaching Orphans. Our mission is to build bridges of relationship with Harbor and other orphan graduates that model the love of the Father, encouraging healing, growth, the pursuit of dreams, and generosity. Its a wonderfully organic ministry. I mentor and train Nastya and the others on the team, and they, in turn, reach out to orphans who are out on their own but often without the life skills, relationships, and purpose to help them see and fulfill God's purposes for their lives.


Details on Orphans Reaching Orphans are here. 

To contribute to our ministry to orphan graduates, you can click here.

Yuri - searching for home

 I have written several times about our relationship with Yuri, but I thought it would be helpful to summarize our history here in one place for you.

Yuri was in the English class I taught at the Harbor (a residential ministry for orphan graduates) when we first moved here in 2007, and he was so strong compared to the rest of the class, that he made it near impossible to teach to the various levels. After a few months, we thought of a solution: send him over to our house for personal tutoring. To this day Yuri still speaks English with us much of the time, but our times quickly became much more than tutoring.

Yuri ate with us, played with the boys (rather awkwardly at first!), just hung out, and showed me a different side of the guy that was apparently a lot of trouble for the Harbor. In this context, I could see that he was a young man hungry to learn and grow, and so I started to mentor him. What was even more impressive was the topic he chose to be mentored on: becoming a godly husband. And that is exactly what we talked about most every week for over two years, using a study I wrote for husbands based on Ephesians 5 as a basis. As Yuri explained it, “I have no model for a father or husband in my life, so I need to learn what that looks like.”

Not only does he learn from our conversations and my material, but he is an astute observer. He notices how we live, how we interact with one another, hears our tone of voice, and witnesses our love for each other, how we discipline the kids, and the occasional marital spat. And the questions! He wants to understand it all, and he seems to really appreciate having someone to help him process all the thoughts, questions, and doubts in his busy brain.

Before coming to the Harbor, Yuri had lived at the only Christian orphanage in St. Petersburg. Before that, he had been in and out of home with his mother, who largely ignored him. He spend several months at one point living on the streets and begging for food at the train station.

When we met Yuri he was living at a dorm while in school, but the remains of his childhood home became available to him soon, and he started dreaming of fixing it up for him and his sister. I went with him one day to help him fix it up. We peeled of about 8 layers of wall paper, and I found myself wondering how he would make it work, there was so much to do. The three-room wooden structure was half of a duplex that had been abandoned for 10 years due to a fire. Now it had no electricity, water, or heat.

Through a gracious gift, our daughter Lydia decided to give him the money to fix up his wood stove, which he did. But rather than things getting better from there, they got worse. The neighbors complained of the smoke, the authorities forbad him from using it, and he abandoned the place in despair, soon disappearing from our lives too.

Lydia's gentle and frequent prodding through Facebook eventually brought him back after several months, and things looked up for a while. He had a job and a new plan to fix up his home. After several more months of work, he found that the bureaucrats who could decide the fate of his lost utilities were not going to budge on what they claimed was a back-debt and fees for all those ten years of $3000 ($4000 if you want them to speed things up, if you know what I mean). Then come the repairs themselves. Yuri abandoned hope again - and us - for a long time.

When he finally showed up again, I had to press him on this pattern, and he confessed that he is ashamed to be around “successful” people when he is such a failure himself. The good news is that Yuri is still coming now in the midst of a personal housing, job, and financial crisis that he can't figure out how to resolve. He told me recently that he appreciates my helping him sort through his confusion and think and pray through options.

Although Yuri still feels like a “bad example” of a Christian in his mind, he is an influence on his friends. I told him all this investment in him was not just for his sake. So recently he even told me he's ready to disciple one of his friends if I can help him explain the gospel to the guy.

That's moving in the right direction, if you ask me. 

My best birthday card ever

My birthday was yesterday, and the wife and kids treated me beautifully. Woke up to a Southern breakfast that included sausage gravy, which I never get around here. Came home at the end of the day to a wonderful cheese fondue dinner, and Yuri joined us for this and for some games the kids organized for us all. That's me in the middle rolling an egg. Much fun was had by all.

I just have to share Kerith's card, as I think it's the best I've ever gotten. [Note: I always take the kids to Waffle House or McDonald's on their birthday.] Here is what it said:

Happy Birthday, Dad!
This is a very special birthday because it involves great memories instead of presents. After a few months you will realize this birthday is impossible to forget. I personally did my hard work to show my thanks to you for loving and caring for me. Your kindness is beyond measure. You're the best dad a boy could ever have. Sometimes I can't decide which is better, you or Mom. And that's how I feel right now. I'm lucky to be your son. I mostly enjoy the times when you and me are alone. Having a good laugh and having a godly discussion is just great. I really enjoy those times and will for the rest of my life - he! Wouldn't it be a surprise if I took you to Waffle House or McDonald's sometime when you are in  your 70's. I might. 


Love,
Kerith